How to Discipline a Child When They’re Misbehaving

Discipline is your set of choices in response to your child when they have engaged in some policies that defies the rules you have set or your values and morals well-nigh what is right and wrong. The overarching idea of willpower is that you are trying to teach them not to repeat unrepealable behaviors that are disagreeable or inappropriate in some way.

This moreover ways that willpower and managing your child’s policies occurs during a period of stress and potentially distress (as unrepealable behaviors and attitudes from our kids can push our buttons or can be very upsetting). So it’s essential to think well-nigh your parenting (and discipline) style so that you have skills and strategies at hand, rather than trying to navigate in the “heat” of the moment when you aren’t functioning at your best. Lack of preparation may rationalization you to “react” instead of intentionally act in response to your child’s challenging behavior.

How to Willpower a Child When They’re Misbehaving

There is so much information well-nigh variegated parenting styles and how to manage willpower in your family. It can be overwhelming. Let’s explore some key discipline/parenting styles.

Different Methods of Discipline

(Please note that I will not be tent any physical forms of discipline. Research tells us that using physical forms of willpower is ineffective in policies change. Children respond out of fear, not truly learning how or why they need to transpiration their behavior.¹)

There are five key types of discipline. These are not all of the possible styles of willpower that exist. They are moreover only summaries to get you thinking well-nigh which style appeals to you or might weightier fit the behavior/temperament of your child. It’s important to do remoter research and discuss with your family (or partner if you have one) what you finger is weightier and how you might wield a particular willpower style.

Gentle Discipline

Gentle willpower focuses on the prevention of problems. This type of willpower does not focus on shaming the child but on redirecting their sustentation or distracting them from the issue. It moreover centers on developing well-spoken expectations and consistency so children learn how they need to behave.

Parents are responsible for managing their own emotions when dealing with the challenges of unrepealable behaviors their child is expressing. They moreover model and demonstrate how to handle big or intense emotions to help their children cope.

Instead of offering punishment or a consequence, gentle willpower might focus on towers a connection with your child and developing their sensation of what is towardly and expected (or not). For example, your four-year-old wants a toy a friend is playing with. When they don’t get it, they scream and shout. A parent using gentle willpower would focus on redirecting their energy and sustentation but will moreover unclose their feelings and set the expectations moving forward. “I can see you are so upset considering you wanted the toy. Although you want it, shouting at your friend is not the weightier choice. Next time you can try to ask nicely or wait your turn. Let’s see if we can find something else to play with instead?”

Emotion Coaching

This style of willpower is focused on teaching children well-nigh their emotions. If children can understand their emotions, they can express them. And when they can ratherish express themselves, they can bring in strategies to cope rather than automatically reacting to a situation.

A parent’s role in this willpower style is to normalize and validate their children’s emotional experiences and support them in learning how to manage big feelings. Instead of delivering a magnitude or punishment for your child’s behavior, you might focus instead on identifying their emotions and helping them to cope with the feelings that are underpinning their behavior.

Using the same example as whilom (your 4-year-old wants to play with someone else’s toy), you might say something like, “I can see you finger frustrated and upset that you can’t play with that toy. It’s so nonflexible to wait. Let’s take a few deep breaths to help you finger calm, and then we could have a hug if you would like? Once you finger better, let’s talk well-nigh things we can try when we find it nonflexible to wait for our turn.” 

Boundary Based

This willpower style focuses on making rules and setting limits surpassing a particular situation. This way, a child understands what is expected of them surpassing going into any situation. The child is given a nomination as to how they respond. But they are given well-spoken consequences if they segregate not to follow their parent’s expectations.

The consequences are unchangingly logical or natural ones. For instance, they unravel a toy, so they can’t play with it anymore. This is a natural consequence. Breaking a toy and not getting dessert might not have a well-spoken link for a young child regarding how a toy and dessert are related to one another. If the magnitude doesn’t finger logical, they don’t learn as easily.

With this willpower style, the goal is to set a limit for your child and unmistakably outline what will happen if they segregate not to uncurl themselves with your expectations. Using the example once provided, you might say something like, “I can see that you would like a turn with that toy. However, your friend is playing with it right now. You can either ask nicely for a turn or wait until they are finished. If you protract shouting, you won’t be worldly-wise to play with that toy at all. The visualization is yours. Which will you choose?”

Behavior Modification

This type of willpower style works on reinforcing good policies with a reward. Misbehavior is reinforced with a negative magnitude to try and modify the child’s behavior. Negative consequences tend to part-way virtually things like the loss of privileges. The parent often ignores protests or negotiations.

A typical example of this willpower style is setting up a reward orchestration with well-spoken steps or requirements for getting a star that leads to a reward. The reward could be physical (a souvenir or small token, or stuff unliable to do something) or emotional (praise). A magnitude could be removing something they want to enjoy, like favorite toys, TV, or video games. These are not necessarily logical or natural consequences, but they will finger emotional distress that they cannot play with something or partake in an enjoyable activity.

Using the same example as above, a magnitude may squint like, “It’s not okay to shout at your friend. If you protract shouting, then when we get home, you won’t be worldly-wise to play your video game.”

Which willpower styles are not effective?

As I mentioned above, forms of physical punishment such as smacking, hitting, and plane using verbal dominance (shouting, threats, and put-downs) are not constructive as willpower techniques.^{1, 2, 3} Although children wilt compliant, this is not considering they have truly understood the error of their ways or learned to cope/manage the big feels that sometimes underpin challenging behavior. Instead, they wilt fearful of their parent and learn to comply to stave stuff hurt.

Another reason this willpower style isn’t constructive is that children lose trust in the primary zipper figures (parents). They learn to be increasingly secretive or stave stuff open/transparent with their parents considering they fear their response. Again this isn’t the child learning what is towardly behavior. They just get largest at hiding indiscretions.

It’s important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all tideway to parenting and discipline. Determining the kind of willpower that fits your family’s ideals is a very unique and personal choice. It will be based on your morals and temperament and your child’s. It should moreover take into consideration your philosophies and values as a family. This ways that not all types of willpower are created equal for your family, and not all types of willpower will suit the situation or be helpful. You might need to take on an eclectic tideway by trying a few variegated strategies until you find something constructive for you and your family.

Resources

1. Sege, RD; Siegel, BS; Council on Child Abuse and Neglect; Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health. (December 2018). “Effective Willpower to Raise Healthy Children.” Pediatrics (Review). 142 (6)

2. MacMillan, HL; Mikton, CR (September 2017). “Moving research vastitude the spanking debate” (PDF). Child Abuse & Neglect. 71: 5–8. doi:10.1016/j.chiabu.2017.02.012. PMID 28249733.

3. “Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health Position Statement on corporal punishment” (PDF). rcpch.adlibhosting.com. The Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health.