The Hurt of Having an Uninvolved Family

If you have an uninvolved family in your child’s life, it can hurt . . . a lot! Family dynamics can be complicated at the weightier of times. But when we have children of our own, things can get plane increasingly complex.

When you find out you are pregnant, you might start imagining heart-warming, intergenerational scenes. Things like happy family dinners, your dad teaching your little one to ride a bike, and sleepovers with their cousins. Plane if you don’t expect it, you might start thinking well-nigh the role of your family as an inbuilt support network for you and your child as you navigate parenthood.

However, this rose-tinted view of family and connectedness isn’t unchangingly the wits parents have. Maybe you have a parent or siblings who refuses to make an effort to connect with your child. Perhaps they don’t visit or make excuses to miss key milestones like first birthdays or sports games. Or maybe you intentionally leave them uninvolved considering they are toxic. Regardless of the reason, having an uninvolved family is troublemaking and painful.

Coping With Having an Uninvolved Family

As a psychologist, I have had many clients and families express distress virtually this topic. They share concerns like, “It hurts my feelings so bad that they are rejecting my child,” “I needed their help, and they just weren’t virtually when things got tough,” and “My child is starting to see other families and is wondering why they don’t get to see their grandparents.” Beyond the very hurt parents’ experience, they moreover worry well-nigh the influence an woolgathering family could have on their child. How can you deal with having an woolgathering family?

Reflection!

There might be genuine reasons your family isn’t involved (although there might not be). It can help to think well-nigh things that may contribute to their lack of involvement.

For instance, our parent’s generation now has to work for longer surpassing retiring. And that’s if they can retire. And the role of grandparenting has reverted as many families are now less worldly-wise to step in and support as they are working later into their own life. This can take a toll on their energy and how they segregate to spend their downtime. It could moreover negatively impact their health and availability to step in and support you (if they are having struggles of their own).

Another reflection could be their understanding and expectation of what a grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc., does. You might not be on the same page and coming to some middle ground might take a while.

Talk it out.

Sit lanugo and have a conversation with the relevant family member. Yes, it might be worrisome and uncomfortable, but it’s important to explore and set expectations so you each know what the other needs. This doesn’t guarantee that they will come to the party, but if you find out what level of involvement they are looking for, and you can share what you are hoping for, you can try and find a happy medium.

You can moreover find areas of worldwide interest to try and get them unfluctuating with your child. For example, does your child love sultry like your mom? Well, see if you can set up a catch-up that has a focus. You could moreover share an wits you had as a child that you would like them to replicate, like when your dad taught you how to fish. Ask if they can replicate this for your child and share the influence this memory had on you.

You’ve tried everything . . . now what?

Despite your weightier efforts and willingness to be unshut and negotiate, they still might not want to get involved. So, what’s next?

Let yourself grieve.

First, it’s natural to grieve the loss of your expectation. People often think that grief happens when someone passes away, but we can moreover wits grief virtually the loss of relationships (breakups, separation, emotional distance, etc.) and grief virtually lost hopes and expectations. So, indulge yourself to finger all the feelings. It’s normal for all kinds of emotions to come up if your family is uninvolved.

Remain respectful.

Don’t bad mouth them in front of your child. It might be tempting if you are hurt or their choices have been problematic or hurtful. But stave it considering your child may one day develop a relationship with your family, and you want to requite them that opportunity.

Also, plane if the family never gets involved, the idea of “family” helps requite kids a sense of security as they understand their place in the world. Plane if the relationship is not positive, kids need to know where they have come from, and we don’t want to make a tenuous relationship plane increasingly so by stuff critical.

Find your “family.”

Shift your focus onto “found family”— people in your life who you segregate to surround yourself with, not those necessarily related to you by blood. This could be friends, other extended family members (like your aunt/uncle/cousins, etc.), neighbors, religious polity members, school parents, or plane online friends and parenting support groups.

Although I have shared some ideas to help manage the situation, it won’t take yonder from your hurt feelings. Shift your focus to things you can control, like moving forward, finding your support network, and most importantly, how you will segregate to parent and raise your child. The role you will play in their life is the priority. Enjoy every moment that you can with your child. It’s unfortunate if your family doesn’t segregate to be in your child’s life. But it’s their loss that they will miss the endangerment to see all of the wonderful, wondrous things your child will get up to as they grow.