What to Do When You Think Your Child Might Be a Bully

As parents, we want nothing increasingly than to raise happy and healthy children. Many parents express concerns well-nigh peer relationships and how to handle things if someone bullies their child. But what if you found out your child is bullying others? It’s unsettling, and the first instinct can be denial, anger, fear, or sadness well-nigh what it might midpoint or how to tackle things. But plane the most well-mannered children might engage in bullying behavior, which doesn’t midpoint they are bad, or you are a terrible parent.

Children demonstrate a range of behaviors when they are growing and developing. They are figuring out who they are, where they fit into the world, and how to manage interactions, communication, and relationships.¹ Kids’ skills in friendships can indicate unstipulated mental health and well-being. While not an excuse for bullying behavior, verbal or physical bullying can midpoint a child is experiencing distress, depression, anxiety, or challenges in regulating their policies and emotions.²

Signs That Indicate Your Child May Be a Bully

Tackling things head-on is the only way forward, as bullying is not a policies or way of managing peer relationships or mismatch that we want to encourage in our kids. But surpassing we write bullying, what should you be on the lookout for?

Aside from reports from school, childcare, other parents, or children, here are some signs to squint for that may indicate bullying policies in your child:

Lack of Empathy

When children don’t understand how others feel, it’s pretty nonflexible to see how their policies might influence or impact other people.³

Emotional Dysregulation

Children who can’t fully regulate or manage their emotions may lash out or engage in inappropriate behavior, which may impact people virtually them.

They Have Been Bullied

If a child is stuff bullied at school or home, they may try to re-assert their sense of power by engaging in bullying themselves.⁴

Pre-occupied By Popularity

When a child wants to fit in, they may try to predicate their place in the social pecking order.

Using “Exclusive” Language

Another warning sign is when children use language inclusive to the “in group” or majority group, or group they vest to, and less tolerant language or understanding of other groups they aren’t a part of or don’t understand. They might use racially or gender-oriented language or words like “weirdo” or “loser.”

What to Do If You Think Your Child is a Bully

Do Not Shy Yonder from the Conversation

Thinking of your child as a bully can be uncomfortable, but lamister the conversation won’t make things go away. Be uncontrived and show interest in hearing your child’s side of the story. For example, you could tell them, “Today I spoke with Mr./Mrs. (insert name) and they mentioned you were involved in bullying behaviors. I’m a bit worried and want to find out what happened. Can you tell me what was going on?” Try to see things from their point of view, what’s driving their behavior, or what needs they are trying to meet.

Do Not Engage in Shaming

Try and ensure that this conversation comes from a perspective of marvel rather than shame or punishment. I’m not saying that there wouldn’t be consequences for their actions, but if our children finger ashamed, they may finger pressure to lie to alimony themselves emotionally safe. So, we want to write things from trying to find out what’s going on for them and seeing transpiration and version as a learning opportunity for your child.

Look Inward

Reflect honestly on your family dynamics, including how you engage with your child. Children exposed to warlike or intimidating interactions in the home are increasingly likely to engage in similar behaviors with their peer groups. Do family members use put-downs or name-calls? Or plane makes jokes well-nigh variegated groups of people? You don’t need to be perfect but try to foster a home environment that reflects the behaviors you want to see in your child.

Ways to Help Your Child Grow

Build Their Self-Esteem

If your child is bullying considering of low self-esteem, it’s vital to build up their confidence and positive sense of self. This can include intentionally finding and supporting things they are doing well. Setting them little projects to well-constructed can increase self-esteem considering they finger good that they can unzip and succeed something.

Give Them Some Control

Sometimes children bully considering they don’t finger in tuition of things, or if they have been bullied, they may finger like their own sense of power has been taken away. Give them opportunities to finger in tenancy in healthy ways, like choosing the dinner menu and cooking with you, picking their clothes, planning a family outing, arranging the snacks, or deciding on board games you might play.

Practice Increasingly Appropriate Behaviors

Help your child learn new skills to navigate tricky social settings. If they are bullying others considering they can’t regulate their emotions, it might be weightier to help them learn strategies for managing big feelings and calming techniques, such as pausing, taking deep breaths, walking away, or problem-solving. If they have trouble navigating social situations, you might want to practice how they could manage things instead, helping them by practicing kind and helpful words and behaviors.

Give Meaningful Consequences

Anytime you consider using a consequence, it needs to be linked to the problematic behavior. Things like banning them from watching TV might not have a uncontrived correlation, but if your child is engaging in cyberbullying, removing wangle to technology until they can demonstrate winning policies might be a good match. Essentially, we want our children to make a well-spoken connection between deportment and consequences.

Fix Things!

If your child has made a mistake, they must learn how to rectify and resolve things. Reparation might take many forms; it could be a uncontrived apology or intentionally including the child they bullied in a social activity. We must remove the shame by helping them see how they can fix things.

Increase Their Empathy

This ways considering the feelings of others and understanding other people’s perspectives.⁴ Read them books with diverse characters to help proceeds perspective. Or, when watching shows, ask them how they think unrepealable notation are feeling and why. You can moreover share your own emotions and name your child’s feelings when you see them displayed. These are just a few ways to start getting your child to be enlightened of others which will help them see how their bullying policies might impact people virtually them.

It’s essential to match coping strategies with the underlying reason for bullying behaviors developing in the first place. Exploring and identifying your child’s concerns is the number one place to start. Once you know more, you can uncork implementing some of the mentioned strategies. However, it is essential to seek support from your education provider or health professional if things aren’t improving or they are displaying symptoms of depression, anxiety, or other mental health condition. The most important thing is to get help for you and your child so that they can grow in a positive direction.

Resources

1. Macklem GL. Bullying and Teasing, Social Power in Children’s Groups. Springer Science & Business Media; 2012

2. Craig, W.M., & Pepler, DJ (2007). Understanding bullying: From research to practice. Canadian Psychology, 48(2), 86-93. doi: 10.1037/cp2007010.

3. Roberts, W.B., & Morotti, A.A. (2000). The bully as victim: Understanding bully behaviors to increase the effectiveness of interventions in the bully-victim dyad. Professional School Counseling, 4(2), 148-155.

4. van Noorden, T.H., Haselager, G.J., Cillessen, A.H., & Bukowski, W.M. (2015). Empathy and involvement in bullying in children and adolescents: A systematic review. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 44, 637-657. doi: 10.1007/s10964-014-0135-6.