“How’s she sleeping? Is she sleeping through the night?” Another mom at victual gymnastics asked right virtually my daughter’s first birthday. “We’re still a bit all over the place, but it’s fine!” I replied, tempted to transpiration the subject. Then it occurred to me . . . why should I transpiration the subject? For moms like myself with babies (or, at this point, toddlers!) who are “still” waking through the night, questions and conversations regarding sleep can finger undeniably isolating. Time and time again, these topics dominate mom groups on Facebook, playdate discussions, doctor visits, and plane Instagram feeds. Society expects tiny humans to sleep through the night from 7 pm to 7 am (or something withal those lines) from mere months old. In reality, this isn’t unchangingly the specimen — and there’s nothing wrong with that!

As a 31-year-old grown woman living the life I’ve unchangingly dreamed of (in other words, I’m content and thriving in my day-to-day), I don’t plane remember the last time I slept through the night. And I’m sure I can’t possibly be the only grown sultana to wake for whatever reason I might. Whether to get a drink of water, use the restroom, retread the AC, snuggle up to my husband, or simply toss and turn and let my mind wander. I don’t sleep through the night. So why should I pressure myself to ensure my tiny human does?!

Normalize Completely Normal Sleep (Or Lack Thereof!)

When it comes to my baby’s sleep habits, the truth is this: I have nothing to finger bad, awkward, or guilty about. She’s 15 months old now and hasn’t slept through the night since she was six months old. (We were blessed with a sound sleeper for the first several months of our parenthood journey, so I can’t complain!) And though it’s been months since my daughter has slept through the night, we’re still here, growing and thriving and smiling!

But for some reason, a toddler who is growing and thriving and smiling – unmistakably healthy and happy, well-adjusted and oh-so-bright – isn’t unbearable justification that I, as a mom, am doing things right. People often quickly seem I need translating to help me “fix” my child’s sleep habits. The truth is, I don’t!

We all have our parenting perspectives and styles. I smile for the moms whose little ones requite them a full 10 to 12-hour stretch. Truly, that is wonderful! I was lucky unbearable to enjoy long stretches of sleep from when my daughter was eight weeks old up until that half-year mark (don’t ask me what reverted considering I don’t have that wordplay – sometimes, things just do). At the same time, I’m entirely content with meeting my daughter right where she is right now.

As a mom, I roll with the punches all day long. So why wouldn’t I roll with the punches nighttime brings (and, of course, all the kicks and snuggles, as a perfectly content bed-sharing mama with a tossy-turny toddler)? I don’t just clock out of mama duty when the clock strikes bedtime. Over time, I’ve learned to tune out all of the noise that tells me maybe I should.

Am I tired some days? Yes. Exhausted? Absolutely! But what mom isn’t, regardless of what her family’s sleep schedule looks like?! Almost a year and a half into motherhood, I’m still perfectly fine with my victual not sleeping through the night. Sure, I long for sleep. At the same time, I winnow this as my new normal – at least for now. Considering it is normal for babies (and toddlers!) to not sleep through the night.

Our Nighttime Routine is Just What We Need

Yes, we have a very resulting bedtime routine. Bath, pajamas, bottle, book, prayers, lullabies, and snuggles. Sometimes with a quick tickle war thrown in the mix . . . unchangingly with lots of vitals laughs. When my victual girl is ready, she falls unconsciousness in my arms. Some nights, we successfully transfer her to her pack and play. The crib is still a work in progress. Most nights, she stays where she’s most well-appointed – right there versus my chest, her tiny lips turning to a smile as she drifts into dreamland.

Often, it seems as though every hour on the dot, I’m woken by my daughter’s innocent, confident voice requesting “more” – in our after-hours world, that’s synonymous with either “water” or “paci.” Sometimes, she simply needs to squirm until she snuggles when into mama’s cozy embrace – one hand on my chest and one foot on my belly.

If I need to stumble to the bathroom, everyone is suddenly wide awake. Until I’m back, there’s no peace. Chaos ensues as I hear a drastic plea of “Mama! Mama!” from the next room over. But then, as soon as I return and scoop my daughter up again, all is well in her world. Honestly, it’s only then that all is well in my world, too.

We then find our groove together, and we doze off seamlessly, entwined in these sweet little moments that I know we won’t get back. Moms and babies were designed to be kept close, so I soak up this installment of our story. Sleep, wake. Sleep, wake. Repeat until 6:30 am when my tiny human’s heart-melting grin and wide vision find mine, tired and heavy yet grateful and at ease.

My family’s sleep system may not work for everyone. Some days, I question how I’m still functioning without months and months of the aforementioned. Add in the fact that 95% of our naps are still contact naps, and I question how this household stays running half the time.

Even still, I don’t need tips. I’ve probably once tried or heard them all. But that doesn’t midpoint they’re going to work for my family, and there’s nothing wrong with that! I don’t need pity, either. I love tending to my child through the night (and through her naps). I was made to be mama to my victual girl, and I know these days are fleeting. I dreamed of these days. I prayed for this life, full of victual snuggles and stuff needed and turned to and depended on.

Stop With the Unsolicited Advice

“Just set her lanugo drowsy but awake. She’ll be OK.”

“Make sure the room is pitch black, slightly cool, with your sound machine at volume 20.”

“Lay abreast her while she dozes off, then sneak out.”

“Have you tried this sleep sack? It really will work!”

“Try adjusting her bedtime routine. Bath, book, lights out.”

And the dreaded “just let her cry it out.” (No, thank you. That’s not for our family.)

. . . and so on and so forth. The comments are never-ending. The opinions are relentless.

While I’m sure well-meaning, the people voicing those “suggestions” don’t realize that none of those “tried and true” tidbits are what my victual girl needs. And that there’s a difference between giving translating and making a mom finger guilty and self-conscious well-nigh her child’s sleep habits.

Trust me when I say this: for now, my victual just needs me. Mom. Her safe space. Her home. Her security. She won’t need me to hold her, repletion her, and respond to her through the night forever. But for now, she does. And I will gladly do my part to ensure those needs are met.

There’s More to My Victual Than Her Sleep Schedule

For when she rises, my daughter thrives. She is unstoppable. At 15 months old, my daughter has a vocabulary of 50 words. She plane occasionally speaks in two-to-three word sentences! She signs and runs and dances and explores. She socializes like there’s no tomorrow. She eats like a champ. She eagerly partakes in household tasks like tossing dirty gown lanugo the laundry chute, picking up toys, and watering flowers. She’s steady on her growth chart. She’s rarely without a smile.

My victual “still” doesn’t sleep through the night. Yet plane still, she’s so very clever, bright, loving, and joyful. Not to toot my own horn, but my child is pretty wonderful! She’s exceeding milestones and standing to flourish into her little happy, trappy self. I must still be a good mom, right?

I wouldn’t transpiration anything well-nigh my baby, so why would I finger the need to transpiration how she rests at night? We’re doing just fine. Actually, we’re doing much largest than just fine. She’s still an incredible baby. And, yes, I’m still a good mom.

You’re Doing It All Right, Mama

You, mama, are still a good mom, too, plane if your victual still doesn’t sleep through the night. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Your victual loves you for loving them, comforting them, and unsuspicious them just as they are. Right here and now . . . and that’s all that truly matters. Tomorrow will come soon enough. Your little one will sleep independently when the time is right. One day, they will sleep through the night (or maybe they won’t if they’re anything like me).

For now, relish this moment. You’re raising a victual who knows they are loved. Your victual is right on track. You’re doing everything right, mama, I promise you. The truth is, your victual simply may not be sleeping through the night . . . and that’s completely fine. Trust me, mama: you’re still an incredible mom.